Interview With Hermione Jean Granger
by Luna Lovegood
Luna Lovegood: ...and we are recording. Hello, Quibbler readers, I’m Luna Lovegood, and I bring you our first interview with… (long pause) Introduce yourself, please.
Hermione Jean Granger: Hermione Jean Granger.
LL: Thanks for interviewing with me!
HJG: No problem, I’m always happy to help you out.
LL: Really? I thought that you said that the Quibbler was rubbish.
HJG: (sputters) I— I never meant— what I meant was--
LL: Never you mind. How old are you?
HJG: Almost 19 years old.
LL: So, you’re done with your education at Hogwarts, then. You were a Gryffindor, correct?
HJG: Well, yes, you knew that, Luna.
LL: I knew that, yes, but my readers don’t.
Ronald Billius Weasley: (from other room) They should! What with her being Harry Potter’s best friend and all!
HJG: GO AWAY, RON! Honestly, why did I let him talk me into bringing him along?
RBW: Because I’m awesome.
LL: Ronald, please!
RBW: Sorry, sorry…
LL: Anyway, Hermione, have you begun to look for a career yet?
HJG: Oh, yes. At the moment, I’m working at Flourish and Blott’s to pay the rent, but I’m looking at some positions in teaching at Hogwarts, or maybe at Gringotts.
LL: What do you think you’d teach should you work at Hogwarts?
HJG: Hmm… probably Transfiguration or Potions.
RBW: Scrimgeour suggested she go into law.
HJG: RON!!
LL: Is that so?
HJG: Yes, but I don’t think I’m going to. All the people working in wizarding law these days are numskulls.
LL: Mmm, yes, I do agree…
(Long pause.)
HJG: Luna?
LL: Hmm?
HJG: Anyone in there? (pause) Are you listening to me?
LL: Huh?
HJG: (sigh) C’mon, Ron, let’s go.
RBW: How long d’you think it’ll be till Luna notices we’re gone?
Incidentally, I didn’t even realize they’d left until Dad asked if they wanted to stay for supper.
Luna Lovegood: ...and we are recording. Hello, Quibbler readers, I’m Luna Lovegood, and I bring you our first interview with… (long pause) Introduce yourself, please.
Hermione Jean Granger: Hermione Jean Granger.
LL: Thanks for interviewing with me!
HJG: No problem, I’m always happy to help you out.
LL: Really? I thought that you said that the Quibbler was rubbish.
HJG: (sputters) I— I never meant— what I meant was--
LL: Never you mind. How old are you?
HJG: Almost 19 years old.
LL: So, you’re done with your education at Hogwarts, then. You were a Gryffindor, correct?
HJG: Well, yes, you knew that, Luna.
LL: I knew that, yes, but my readers don’t.
Ronald Billius Weasley: (from other room) They should! What with her being Harry Potter’s best friend and all!
HJG: GO AWAY, RON! Honestly, why did I let him talk me into bringing him along?
RBW: Because I’m awesome.
LL: Ronald, please!
RBW: Sorry, sorry…
LL: Anyway, Hermione, have you begun to look for a career yet?
HJG: Oh, yes. At the moment, I’m working at Flourish and Blott’s to pay the rent, but I’m looking at some positions in teaching at Hogwarts, or maybe at Gringotts.
LL: What do you think you’d teach should you work at Hogwarts?
HJG: Hmm… probably Transfiguration or Potions.
RBW: Scrimgeour suggested she go into law.
HJG: RON!!
LL: Is that so?
HJG: Yes, but I don’t think I’m going to. All the people working in wizarding law these days are numskulls.
LL: Mmm, yes, I do agree…
(Long pause.)
HJG: Luna?
LL: Hmm?
HJG: Anyone in there? (pause) Are you listening to me?
LL: Huh?
HJG: (sigh) C’mon, Ron, let’s go.
RBW: How long d’you think it’ll be till Luna notices we’re gone?
Incidentally, I didn’t even realize they’d left until Dad asked if they wanted to stay for supper.
New School of Magic!
by Marion Flayborne
For the first time ever, young American witches and wizards will not have to go abroad to learn about magic. A new school, Cantafica Academy of Sorcery, has opened up.
“It’s in the United States and students catch the enchanted subway to it in New York city,” says the Headmistress, Professor Andrea Ficiis. “That’s all you need to know about the location.”
People of all ages are very excited about the new school.
“I won’t be going,” says Mark Hoogan, age 14. “I’m continuing my education at Hogwarts, since I’ve already made friends there. But my little brother Nathan will be going to Cantafica in two years.”
“I can hardly wait!” Gina Grooves, age 10, says. “I’m 11 next week, so I’ll get to start there soon!”
“I’m glad I won’t have to go through all the trouble of using Floo powder to get my kids to Dumstrang,” says Samuel O’Reil, father of three. “All the spinning makes Janice ill.”
The curriculum remains a secret, as do the uniforms and any images of the school. We will keep our readers updated as we find out more.
S.P.E.W. taking off
by Philantha Carter
Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare, otherwise known as S.P.E.W., was founded by Hermione Jean Granger. Ms. Granger started it after observing the cruel ways in which Barty Crouch Sr. treated his house elf, Winky.
"It's a working progress," Ms. Granger claims, though we are all fully aware that S.P.E.W. is really starting to take off. Harry James Potter and Ronald Bilius Weasley, two of Ms. Granger's closest friends, spilled some of her secrets to us.
"When Hermione first began it," Mr. Weasley began," she was just knitting hats for the elves."
"At first," Mr. Potter adds," the elves were insulted by this."
"I fully support Hermione in this," Ginevra Molly Weasley, another one of Ms. Granger's close friends, spills," I one hundred and ten percent agree with her. No elf should be treated in such a way." Ms. Weasley was able to help Ms. Granger a great deal by getting people to sign their petition. Mr. Potter has pitched in by making Lucius Malfoy accidentally free his former house elf, Dobby. Unfortunately, Dobby is no longer with us. Kreacher, house elf to Mr. Potter is not yet free, but Mr. Potter treats him in the kindest way possible.
So, dear readers, learn more about S.P.E.W. and make sure to sign their petition!
Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare, otherwise known as S.P.E.W., was founded by Hermione Jean Granger. Ms. Granger started it after observing the cruel ways in which Barty Crouch Sr. treated his house elf, Winky.
"It's a working progress," Ms. Granger claims, though we are all fully aware that S.P.E.W. is really starting to take off. Harry James Potter and Ronald Bilius Weasley, two of Ms. Granger's closest friends, spilled some of her secrets to us.
"When Hermione first began it," Mr. Weasley began," she was just knitting hats for the elves."
"At first," Mr. Potter adds," the elves were insulted by this."
"I fully support Hermione in this," Ginevra Molly Weasley, another one of Ms. Granger's close friends, spills," I one hundred and ten percent agree with her. No elf should be treated in such a way." Ms. Weasley was able to help Ms. Granger a great deal by getting people to sign their petition. Mr. Potter has pitched in by making Lucius Malfoy accidentally free his former house elf, Dobby. Unfortunately, Dobby is no longer with us. Kreacher, house elf to Mr. Potter is not yet free, but Mr. Potter treats him in the kindest way possible.
So, dear readers, learn more about S.P.E.W. and make sure to sign their petition!
Nessie Sighted In Scotland!
by Melanie Featherweight
Naturalists all over the world are thrilled to announce that the Loch Ness Monster, better known as Nessie, has been sighted for the first time since 1934! For those of you who don’t know, the Loch Ness Monster is a very nice and gentle creature, but she is very, very shy. It has only been sighted by a few people, though many wizards believe that they were not all the same monster, but different ones of the same species. In 1934, a Muggle by the name of Dr. Robert Wilson saw her, and managed to snap a picture before Nessie noticed him and went into her watery home once again. Realizing that this could result in Muggles finding the wizarding world, the Ministry was forced to create false memories, and fool everyone in the Muggle world (including Dr. Wilson himself) into believing it was an elaborate hoax.
Yesterday evening, two wizard naturalists, Walter Mumps and Roy O’Malley spotted a large, serpent-like creature rising out of the water. Determined to examine it, they put up a quick protective charm around the area to ward off Muggles.
“When we went across on our boat, the creature made this wailing noise and tried to swim away,” O’Malley says, “but we increased our speed with magic and followed.”
“We didn’t manage to touch it,” adds Mumps, “but it was clearly a Loch Ness Monster.”
The naturalists describe the Monster as being about 40 feet long and able to raise it’s head to about fifteen feet in the air. The scales are a dull, murky green, and the eyes are sunken-in and black. They observed it eating fish and amphibians, but didn’t seem to interested in mammals.
“If you see one,” Mumps advises, “slowly approach it, and don’t startle it. If you do that, you can get a closer look. It won’t hurt you. In fact, I think it was more afraid of us than we were of it!”
“Oh, and bring fish with you!” O’Malley adds.
We’re hoping to find out more about this mysterious creature soon.
Rita Skeeter: Solid facts or Slander?
by Victoria Nolton
Rita Skeeter is a famous reporter for the Daily Prophet. Her stories are some of the highest rated articles to date, and her books have been on Witch Weekly’s Hot Reads lists numerous times (her best selling book being the Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, ranking number 7 on the highest book sales list).
However, there are some rumors flying around. Is Skeeter being entirely truthful? Is she getting her information legally?
Fluer Isabelle Delacour, age 21, says that Skeeter is not telling the full truth.
“She’s embellishing all of her so-called ‘reports’,” she tells me. “Her Quick Quotes Quill shouldn’t be allowed!”
When asked to elaborate, she shows us the interview she had with Skeeter during the Triwizard Tournament of 1994.
“Here, it says zat I wuz 19 years old— I wuz not a day over 17!” Delacour insists. “And here, it claims zat I said zat I would gladly feed ze other champions to dragons in exchange for Gabrielle’s life. While zat’s true, I never said zat!”
Harry James Potter, age 18, is glad to comply.
“She claimed that I had ‘tears in my eyes’ or something,” Potter says. “That stupid quill of hers exaggerates everything anyone says! It claimed she was 10 years younger than she really was, for heaven’s sakes!”
Skeeter’s latest article, Xeno Lovegood: Mad or Messiah?, seems to have sparked the rage of a certain Hermione Jean Granger, age 18.
“I made a deal with her,” she says, shaking her head slowly, “and she broke it. Xenophilius Lovegood and I don’t agree on everything, but he’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve to have lies spread about him!”
“What sort of deal did you make with Rita Skeeter?” I ask.
“I know something about her,” she smiles, “something she doesn’t want me to spread around, but if anyone deserves it, she does. Rita Skeeter is an unregistered Animagus. That’s how she gets her information. If you want to discuss something that you don’t want to end up in the Prophet, check around for a dark blue beetle with glasses-like markings around its eyes.”
Ronald Billius Weasley, age 18, can confirm Miss Granger’s claims.
“It’s true,” he assures us. “I’ve seen her in her Animagus form with my own eyes.”
There you have it, dear reader. Rita Skeeter may have a nose for gossip, but maybe she should start keeping her nose in her own business.
Rita Skeeter is a famous reporter for the Daily Prophet. Her stories are some of the highest rated articles to date, and her books have been on Witch Weekly’s Hot Reads lists numerous times (her best selling book being the Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, ranking number 7 on the highest book sales list).
However, there are some rumors flying around. Is Skeeter being entirely truthful? Is she getting her information legally?
Fluer Isabelle Delacour, age 21, says that Skeeter is not telling the full truth.
“She’s embellishing all of her so-called ‘reports’,” she tells me. “Her Quick Quotes Quill shouldn’t be allowed!”
When asked to elaborate, she shows us the interview she had with Skeeter during the Triwizard Tournament of 1994.
“Here, it says zat I wuz 19 years old— I wuz not a day over 17!” Delacour insists. “And here, it claims zat I said zat I would gladly feed ze other champions to dragons in exchange for Gabrielle’s life. While zat’s true, I never said zat!”
Harry James Potter, age 18, is glad to comply.
“She claimed that I had ‘tears in my eyes’ or something,” Potter says. “That stupid quill of hers exaggerates everything anyone says! It claimed she was 10 years younger than she really was, for heaven’s sakes!”
Skeeter’s latest article, Xeno Lovegood: Mad or Messiah?, seems to have sparked the rage of a certain Hermione Jean Granger, age 18.
“I made a deal with her,” she says, shaking her head slowly, “and she broke it. Xenophilius Lovegood and I don’t agree on everything, but he’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve to have lies spread about him!”
“What sort of deal did you make with Rita Skeeter?” I ask.
“I know something about her,” she smiles, “something she doesn’t want me to spread around, but if anyone deserves it, she does. Rita Skeeter is an unregistered Animagus. That’s how she gets her information. If you want to discuss something that you don’t want to end up in the Prophet, check around for a dark blue beetle with glasses-like markings around its eyes.”
Ronald Billius Weasley, age 18, can confirm Miss Granger’s claims.
“It’s true,” he assures us. “I’ve seen her in her Animagus form with my own eyes.”
There you have it, dear reader. Rita Skeeter may have a nose for gossip, but maybe she should start keeping her nose in her own business.
Tales of Beedle the Bard: Fiction or truth?
By Arachne Dippet
The Tales of Beedle the Bard, a commonly known book full of children's stories, has been getting a lot of buzz lately. Everyone in the wizarding world wants a copy ever since they found out that The Tale of three Brothers was real. Harry Potter is able to confirm this.
"It's true," he tells us," Hermione found a curious marking on the front page." He also stated that he spotted Xenophilius Lovegood wearing a necklace with the same marking on it, at Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour's Wedding.
"Why its the sign of the Deathly Hallows of course!" Mr. Lovegood stated," I already told Mr. Potter that when he came knocking on my door." There you have it, The Tale of the three Brothers is real, but the big question is, are all of the other stories real? We have eyewitnesses who claim to have seen some of the story characters.
"Oh yes," Luna Lovegood informs us," They are quite true. On nargle hunting day I clearly saw the knight from The Fountian of Fair Fortune." But there have been more than just one sighting, wizards and witches all over the globe have reported sightings.
"At first I thought that Luna was just nuts," Ron Weasley tells us," But one day when my family and I were in Diagon Alley doing school shopping, my little Rosie tells me that she sees Babbitty Rabbitty. And sure enough, when I turned around, I see the same rabbit that I saw every night as a child when mum read the story to me."
And so the truth is released, buy yourself a copy of Tales of Beedle the Bard, and watch out for the hopping pot!
The Tales of Beedle the Bard, a commonly known book full of children's stories, has been getting a lot of buzz lately. Everyone in the wizarding world wants a copy ever since they found out that The Tale of three Brothers was real. Harry Potter is able to confirm this.
"It's true," he tells us," Hermione found a curious marking on the front page." He also stated that he spotted Xenophilius Lovegood wearing a necklace with the same marking on it, at Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour's Wedding.
"Why its the sign of the Deathly Hallows of course!" Mr. Lovegood stated," I already told Mr. Potter that when he came knocking on my door." There you have it, The Tale of the three Brothers is real, but the big question is, are all of the other stories real? We have eyewitnesses who claim to have seen some of the story characters.
"Oh yes," Luna Lovegood informs us," They are quite true. On nargle hunting day I clearly saw the knight from The Fountian of Fair Fortune." But there have been more than just one sighting, wizards and witches all over the globe have reported sightings.
"At first I thought that Luna was just nuts," Ron Weasley tells us," But one day when my family and I were in Diagon Alley doing school shopping, my little Rosie tells me that she sees Babbitty Rabbitty. And sure enough, when I turned around, I see the same rabbit that I saw every night as a child when mum read the story to me."
And so the truth is released, buy yourself a copy of Tales of Beedle the Bard, and watch out for the hopping pot!
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